Minutiae Musings Vol. 5

Another installment of . . . musings about minutiae.

The car sticker that says "Salt Life" really looks like it says "Slut Life."  I think I might get one just because of it.

I saw some Halloween stuff for sale.  On Labor Day weekend, ya'll.  I wonder how many people go ahead and buy it as soon as it's put out so they don't have to buy gross candy at the last second, which should be on or before September 23, at which time they'll break out the Christmas items.  Maybe I'll do the same!

Which is worse:  unfollowed, unfriended, or un-Linked? I've been getting notifications from Twitter about new followers. I thought it was great until I noticed my number of followers is the same, and stays the same no matter how many new people they've mentioned. Odd!


P.S. I have a couple more clever things to post, but I am so tired.  Gotta get them up!

September 1

The haunting shadow of depression follows me like a predator 

Waiting patiently never in a hurry 

The right moment always comes.©

(Tweeted by Lotus on Twitter.  Follow her if you'd like to read more of her tweets:  @Lotus_Heals )

Her mini-poem is the perfect description of how depression can exert so much influence on its victims.Throw in a little mania on a regular basis, and the result is...........me.

I'll share some of the special, magical things that accompany my bipolar. On the weekends when I don't have the kids, don't have to work, and don't have rocking plans, I'll sleep in, make coffee, enjoy my daily date with meds until their chemistry kicks in, and then walk Zing. When I get back, I'll lay on the couch. Might write, usually don't, but if I do open the story, it's more reading and editing than creating new writing. Then it'll be lunchtime, so I walk the dog again, set the kitchen timer so I can pretend I'm only taking a 20 minute power nap.  Two hours later, I wake up. Still tired. If I feel hungry, I'll drink a coke and maybe eat popcorn. At no time during this brief child-free span do I brush my teeth or take a shower. It's too exhausting to hold my arms up that long. I don't usually do much housework except for dishes. Never could understand why that chore is therapeutic, but it is. Late afternoon, another walk for His Highness, and skim over social media, but don't really engage or absorb. Believe it or not, reading is too exhausting sometimes, too.

Trust me, if I could snap out of it, I would. I feel the disconnect between me and loved ones. At times, I work diligently to maintain healthy relationships; at other times (and sadly, more lately than ever), I isolate myself because I feel like a phony. A poser. A fake. And guilty ones at that. And it's too freaking hard to talk about authentic things than superficial things and try to play it off as if everything's fine and nobody needs to worry.  

Here's something I saw on Pinterest.

"Saying someone can’t be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else might have it better." I've had several people tell me people me (in so many words) that my complaints are petty and sweating the small stuff. To someone like me, with brain chemistry issues, it makes me worse when I feel like I should be able to buck up, sissypants. Put on big girl undies. Pick my battles. Realize I'm not the only one with life problems.

All of that is reasonable advice. In a manic phase, it's easier to have that mindset. In the down phase, it ain't happening. It's too difficult to manage. The shifting back and forth is why people think mental illness is a lifestyle choice or a lack of inner strength.  "Well, you choose to be happy sometimes. Why not all the time?"

I know no one who would say to anyone, "Listen here, your eyes are blue. And it's because you're weak. If you really wanted to, you could make your eyes brown. If you were strong enough. So just get over it, concentrate, be mighty, and make your freaking eyes brown."

It's not an excuse or crutch to say that my willpower alone can't manufacture brain chemicals. Everybody tries as hard as they can to do it with willpower.

It's easier when you summon the courage to ask for help. Scary? Yes. Necessary anyway? Yes. Can you do it? YES.

#JustAsk #TalkAboutIt #Depression #Bipolar #BeKind #Understand #iWillWhatIWant


P.S. On a lighter note, I like today's date for a silly, random reason.

#tiredworkinggirl

Felt like updating.  Job still going great, had two days this week where I made a couple of (fixable) mistakes. Today was much better.  I worked late last night and through lunch today to make up for the time I took off tonight to go to the Meet the Teacher event at the kids' school.  John Sam was nervous about meeting his teachers, but he talked with all of them except one--they moved her to a different room than she was supposed to be in and we couldn't find her. He got PE as his last class of the day, which is exactly what he wanted, and he's got classes with some of the same kids as last year. When Caroline met her teachers, most of them knew John Sam and asked him how his summer went. Then they asked her about her summer and how JS was as a big brother, and she said about halfway (or something to that effect).  Her world history teacher said the class puts on a Greek play, and she told him that was her specialty, because she's been reading a book series about gods and goddesses. She told the science teacher she didn't like raising her hand or speaking out in class, and he told her he could guarantee he'd call on her as much as everyone. She also got band, which she wanted, and the other elective was drama. She was mad she didn't get creative writing. I've always thought she be good at drama (*ahem*), but she's never expressed any interest in it. She'll be learning about it this year, though ;-)

Academically it's going to be a tough year for both of them.  We've got our "homework plan" in place so we can focus on learning, and when that is done, we can relax and unwind. Some relax by playing video games, some relax by reading books, some relax by writing.

It's been been tough to adjust to the time management issues I'm encountering. I've had to let some things go and that buggggs me.  Once the routine of school starts, I'm going to be better able to manage the smaller amount time that I have to do everything I want and need.  Staying up too late when you get into writing is very bad when you need to get up earlier in the morning than you have in about a year.  HA!  I've heard you can't really catch up on your lost sleep, but I'm gonna give it the old college try.

Cruising up to the 28th floor...

Day 2, Best Job Ever

I am happy to have completed two days of online training at the office. Tomorrow I start doing "real" work. I took some of my personal stuff in and put it on my desk.  I love having my own space, and I swear if I actually get two computer screens, I'm going to be very hard to live with for the next couple of days.  :)

Clearwater Vacay Pix

So much vacation, so little time.  How did three days go by so quickly?  I'm already saving my money for next year's trip!

Ocean in the background

View from our balcony. Hard to see it,

but "One Tree Island" is in the pic.

One of the few times I was busted taking

pictures without permission. JS said, "The

only reason we went on vacation is for

her to take pictures of us." 

What happened when I told JS

we went on vacations for other

reasons, too

First view of the ocean

(no filter on this shot) 

 Flip flops have to come off first

Step two: toes in the sand

Modeling on the beach 

Shell hunting

Also looking for shells...

Sunset - Tuesday 7/29/2014

 CGB on the shoreline

Seagulls, sunset, sand castle

Trying a Pinterest idea. The first one

(where they are farther from the camera)
looks better than the other version.

Nighttime swimming. They swam til

the hotel shut off the pool waterfalls

and underwater lights.

On the sand dunes near the

restaurant, Palm Pavillion. Hard

to believe how soft the sand was!

Sunset over sand dunes

Me on Day 1

Catching some light 

 This Pinterest idea didn't turn out too badly.

I hate toe pictures, but I'm okay

with this one b/c they're mine,

and because they look normal

with the water and foam on them.

Ocean, morning of last day.

Much clearer than the day

before--so much seawood one

day and barely any the next.

Building and digging

CGB original atwork - skyscraper

Thursday Morning Sunrise

Little kids - big ocean - bigger world

Pending uploads

So.... I'm halfway through uploading the beach vacation pictures.  It takes foreverrrr.  I've been downloading and saving as for at least the last 2 hours.

Translation:  the next blog post is going to have many, many, many pictures.

:)

wowjustwowandomg

There are times when "wow, just wow" and "omigod" will not suffice.

This is one of those times.

Unbelievably great day.  Long time coming, and I'm so glad it's here.

*whew*

Chalet Suzanne

Chalet Suzanne is a restaurant in Lake Wales, Florida.  It was a popular place to go on our high school Prom Night because Sebring wasn't all haughty and contemporary like it is now, and there weren't any fancy restaurants to speak of, so we had to drive out of town to find one.  It took about 40 minutes or so to get to the Chalet.  I only went once and I didn't like the food much.  Historical places really interest me (always have).  I feel a teensy bit sad I haven't been back.

Maybe I'll get the chance to visit there one more time, now that I'm sure I'd appreciate it more than I did when I was in 10th grade.  We'll see.

If you like historical stories, too, you'll love the article.

Lake Wales' Chalet Suzanne Will Close

Breaking up IS hard to do

Dearest Nook, HP Laptop, and Nikon D40,

Yes, I got a smart phone, but I'm not completely breaking up with you.  All of you are verrryy special to me. Never forget our love.  I still need all of you and will continue to utilize you.

But it'll be a booty call kinda thing.  

Sorry. 

P.S.  Maybe it would hurt less if we called it conscious technology uncoupling?  You'll let me know.

Time to pimp the blog

Just b/c it's the last day of June and I've hardly posted anything this year, I mean, month, doesn't mean I'm typing an unbearably lame entry just to increase post count.

Nah.