Acceptance

One month ago today, I had my miscarriage. There, I said the word. I found out I was pregnant on Valentine's Day, and five short days later, I lost the baby. Everything kept happening so fast--over and over I found myself accepting an new state of awareness . . . and then suddenly there was a different state to acknowledge, deal with, and accept. Intellectually and physically I am completely fine.

Emotionally, I finally think I've got it sorted out. I really don't think I was meant to have more than my one boy and my one girl, but it was both sad and painful to come to grips with the fact that while it might have been possible to have another child in our family, it wasn't in God's plan for me or us. Leaps of faith are quite difficult for me, but God already knows that since He made me who I am. For the first time, I'm viewing the experience not as a punishment but as an affirmation that God truly wants what is best for me. Even if I think a certain choice or path might be appropriate, once in a while He intervenes and I need to let Him.

When I am older and wiser, I will appreciate all the more how God has led me in the best direction. Until then, I'm being patient with the process. Sometimes you only get one choice because it's the right one.