Job requirements

The bad news:  only ten posts in September.  The good news:   it's now the month with the most posts.

On the job search.  Again.  *dejected sigh here*  In an effort to look at the bright side, I'm sharing some of the requirements people are asking for.

“Applicant must be able to work well under pressure and have common sense, be organized and have a good work ethic.”

Damn, I was all set to apply until I read that requirement.  Everybody knows I don’t have any common sense.  ;-)

“Please do not apply if your financial needs greatly outweigh the starting salary rate.”

Can't weigh it if I don't know what the starting salary is.  Do I have to apply to find out?  

“Please submit your cover letter (why should we hire you), resume, references and a writing sample in order to be considered for this position.”

They should hire me for help with creating clear sentences—would that count as my writing sample?

Somewhere in the midst of all this (first world) tragedy and humor, there is a job for me. It's highly possible that I'm close to earning the professional interview degree I've always wanted.  :)