Late Pic on New Year's Eve 2014

Waiting for the countdown to 2015--almost here!

Small but mighty helpers

Tonight I'm thankful for my little heating pad that makes my back muscles feel better.  Also giving props to Aleve: you make my heart race in the bad way, but you're super good at getting rid of backaches.

It's the eve of New Year's Eve.  (I swear I started to type "Christmas Eve.")  I can't WAIT to sleep in on January 1, 2015.  Incredibly, it really is almost here.

Post-Christmas pix

Well, haven't been doing so great on the #NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), but I'll repeat that this month has the most posts during all of 2014. Simply have to do better in 2015 if I want more readers.

Some cute Christmas pix that I haven't put out there yet.

Presssssssssssents!

 

John Sam B.

 

Cutie Pies!

~Gooooooofy~

Smile and Ears

My three loves!

What happens when you move the camera

when you're trying to take a no-flash pic

Two more days until 2015.  This past year went by so fast, I'm kinda feeling like I just wanna keep the Christmas tree alive until then.  #WowJustWow

Blog title font

Bitching about something very silly.  Why is the font on my blog title smaller than I have it set? The line underneath it is bigger than the title. I have increased several times, but it reverts back to the smaller (wrong) size when I apply and log back in.

Is it too late for a tiny shot of whiskey? Will Santa come if I'm passed out? lmao

Four (more) days skipped

I had high hopes that I'd be up to the challenge of blogging every single day for one little month.  I've missed a total of 5 days now.  But......I still have more posts this month than any other in 2014. 

It's super lame, but I'll take that.  ;-D

Random photo - I think I got this image from Pinterest.


Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

So we skipped a blog day....

I love the royal "we" - lol!

Not backdating for the missed Thursday post.  Oh gee.

Instead, I'll just post a Christmas party pic. Taken in front of one of the four Christmas trees in the various ballrooms we had.  I don't know what kind of desserts I ate--tasted chocolately and coffee-ish.  Don't normally care for coffee flavor, but it was sinfully good.  And I totally wanted to steal one of the adorable little dishes they had!  HA!  (Insider joke to my mom who gets whatever she damn wants with her big ass purse.)

I don't know the people at the new place too well, but everybody made me feel very welcome. I must say, November is the time of year to start a job. This is the biggest bunch of party animals I've worked with ever.  Eating and drinking for every little occasion.  Mmhmmmm.  Good place to be!

 

Party on!  Dec. 19, 2014

 

I will not say I'm going to bed early anymore.

I won't say it anymore because I don't do it.

If I were in Miss Nash's 4th grade class, the sentence would have to say, "I will not talk in class."  And I'd have to write it 500 times so I would stop doing it.  I did stop (finally), and I'm stopping now.

Henceforth, all future announcements will let everyone know when I've decided to stay up late instead of empty proclamations that I'm going to bed early.

;)



#NaBloPoMo #DaySeventeen

Tuesday - Not Fat But Still Good

The only Tuesday I tolerate is Fat Tuesday, but today was an exception. Good traffic lights, good Christmas music, and peace & quiet at work meant serious productivity. A few challenging parenting moments, and a load of laundry. All ornaments finally on the tree :)

3 weeks, 3 days

I can hardly believe I'm about to type that it's been 3 weeks and 3 days since I worked on my story. I don't think I've ever been on hiatus this long in the writing dept.

October, November, and December are busy months in our family!  Keeping a semblance of a normal routine is tough.  Kids can hardly wait till school is out....this Friday.

Not sure why, but I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something, and I can't remember if it's a phone call, event, volunteering (?), or an appointment.

Probably all the stress of blogging every day this month. *haha*

December 14 shall be backdated

Sunday, Dec. 14, 2014 shall be backdated with a random photo from a few years back.  Caroline drew this beautiful Christmas tree in front of a cozy fireplace.

Time crunch

Have to blog super fast and hit the publish button; otherwise, it'll be cheating by backdating. Santy Claus is watching me--or so I've been reminded, haha.

Minutiae Musings Vol. 6

Volume 6 long overdue.  Also classified as first world vents and observations ;-)

Businesses--especially gas stations, doctor's offices, and major office buildings--need to put the street number on the outside of their buildings. Knowing you're located at "5719 Rainbow Lane" ain't gonna help me if I can't see the "5719" anywhere on the outside of your establishment!  Traffic is bad enough without having to toodle around the same three blocks a bunch of times just to figure out which structure is yours.

It's the season of commercials. Currently I'm into the Vizio HD television ads.  The Thanksgiving one with the Jack Russell and Great Danes was hilarious, and now the Christmas one is funny too.  I woulda been the chandelier girl for sure!  I usually mute most of the commercials and watch them without the sound.  They are ridiculously dumb when you realize how much the visual aspects are affected by the lack of audio. It's similar to watching someone else car dance.  They look goofy because we can't hear the sounds they can. 

All the holiday lights made me notice how many of my neighbors have beveled glass windows in doors and full-length pane windows leading into their foyers, or huge windows in formal rooms that have open curtains.  I wonder why they don't mind if people can see into their house at night.  I leave my mini blinds at a certain angle so people can see the Christmas tree, but I turn off the inside lights so I'm not on stage under a spotlight in the privacy of my own home. The rest of the year, they're closed when it's dark.

Glad to report the job is still going good! The days go by so fast, but I'm not completely drained and dreading the next day like at "the other place."  It's nice to enjoy short rides to and from the office and not try to figure out some legit reason not to go there so I won't have chest pain.  Ahhh.

I found my red & green ornament-shaped oil lamps a while back, and it's cool to finally have them at Christmas. I have a set of red & green square votives, too, and they look quite festive matched up.

I love my morning radio station, but they need to cut back on certain songs. When my alarm goes off the first time, a particular song will be on when I hit snooze.  Then, not even two hours later, as I'm getting ready to leave to take kids to school, the same song comes on. They seem to be played in the same order, too.  And another thing....why is it that when you get in the shower, they seem to play the three or four songs you're most currently sick of, and then you're stuck listening to them because you can't change the station while you're in said shower? Ugh.

Random photo so post is not photo-less.  Watercolor is one of my new favorite things.

 

I'm tired. You know if I'm too tired to muse about minutiae, I'm too tired.

xoxoxo


#NaBloPoMo #DayTwelve #BloggingAboutRealLife #Minutiae #IsItJustMeOrDoINeedToLayOffTheGoofyAssHashtags

 

Heat on the go

I love my portable plug-in heaters. I've considered keeping one in my car so I'll always have one with me.

Hmmm, that's not weird.

Little by little

Still have more holiday decorating, so I'm doing a little each day. Got the tree Monday, then let it fall out on Tuesday, and tonight I put on the lights. I have one more strand somewhere, and I WILL find it because I can't stand any bare spots when it comes to the lights.

#iStillHateTuesday

My job is going very well, and that helps diminish my Tuesday hatred....but only a little.  I can't even remember what Tuesday ever did to me, but it must've been awful.

A good remedy for Tuesday, though, is a belated birthday dinner at Olive Garden with the fam.

I swear we sat at this same table when it was John Sam's birthday!

Small fire

Happy Birthday, Caroline!  I suggested she put all 12 candles on one cupcake, and she thought it was the best idea ever.

Ahem, me too.  :)

#SparklyGirl #WhatABeauty #TwelveYearsOld #Daughters #Birthdays #Love

"A day that will live in infamy . . ."

Today is Pearl Harbor Day. I heard a big fireworks show from downtown. Glad to know America still appreciates the sacrifices and leadership of our armed forces - then and now.

Cleaning out while decorating

I think watching the TV show "Hoarders" is getting to me. As I've been getting out the Christmas decorations, I've noticed there are a lot of things in the holiday tubs that we really don't even use.  I cleaned out the Halloween and Thanksgiving ones, and they are organized and free of stuff we haven't used since, well, feels like forever. I might even be able to get everything into two boxes instead of three.  Yay!  *CoughCoughGarageSale*

And....... the big day is only 19 days away. Just haddd to say it ;-)


#NaBloPoMo #DaySix

CG's 12th birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet daughter CGB, who is 12 years old today.  When she was born, she weighed a not-whopping 6 lbs., 11 oz., and was only 18 and 3/4 inches long. Munchkin baby! Now she and I wear the same shoe size. 

Pictures tomorrow due to late hour.

But I'm posting this because I am sticking to the #NaBloPoMo #DayFive

Circadian Rhythms

Circadian rhythms are the reason I canNOT wake up in the morning before 7:00 a.m.  No matter how many times I set the alarm earlier & earlier, I can't get my body to conform to the clock. It keeps telling me it's going with the light and dark of the day, and I need to get rid of that stupid clock anyway because I know perfectly well I ain't gettin' up till it's light.

 

Too bad that wouldn't be a legit reason for being late to work!

 

I was thinking of rigging up a bright light in my room, and then putting a timer on it so it will just turn on about the same time as my alarm.  It could fake out my body!

 

HAHAHAHAHA

 

Just kidding. I've put timers on my lamps so my African violets can be babied, but I don't know if there's a light bright enough to wake me up while my brain & body are still waiting for our side of the earth to light up.



 

This is what I need shining straight through the window!

 

Google Chrome is gone for good

No self-help articles I've read or troubleshooting forums I've researched can fix my Chrome problems. I still don't understand howI lost all the bookmarks in the first place. I'm on my 4th attempt: uninstall, repair, reinstall, still doesn't work. Nothing happens when I open it except I get a blank page that won't load anything.  Most of the people having trouble are using Windows 7. I have Vista, so I'm at a loss. 

Farewell, Chrome, I've been pining away for you, but it's not meant to be, apparently.  ;-)

Un-dreaded Tuesday

I'm thrilled to report that it was not a dreadful Tuesday for me. It started out with minor annoyances--meh, easy ones to let go. Then I get to the office, and the time flies so fast. In the good way :)

Came home, ate pot roast, rice, and raw cukes & carrots. JS was still hungry and made 4 pieces of jelly toast, even though there wasn't a morsel of the pot roast left. :O

Dishes washed, kitchen cleaned, and another load of clothes in the dryer thanks to BBQ sauce and jelly on the white polo shirt, of course.

His Royal Highness was escorted briskly around the park with his ever-present entourage, which consists of me and the two chickadees who are getting way too old to be called chickadees anymore.

Both kids are cleaned up and about to be herded into bed after Caroline's clarinet practice. Fresh laundry folded or hung.

I plan to write a little. The last time I worked on poetry or fiction was Nov. 21. I couldn't believe it when I checked. I've been reading more, but I think this is the longest time spent away from the story in recent months.

Trying to post every day for a month for the #NaBloPoMo challenge I saw on Twitter. It stands for "National Blog Posting Month." Let's see if this helps me keep a consistent deadline. ha ha

And there you have it: "Lifestyles of the (Someday Will Be) Rich & Famous." I wanted to document the everyday things that happen so it will remind me of all I have to be grateful for when I'm feeling icky.

Tomorrow--installment #3.

Tanka poems

A couple of the tanka poems I've written since I last mentioned them.

To see fresh green peer

out from the bottom of a

stalk that looks dead brown

means rebirth will come in the

midst of deaths I alone feel. ©

Yellow sunlight is                                                      

the cure for my red despair;

its heat fades to warmth

that bestows healing and a

spiritual infusion. © 


Kind comments are welcome.  :)

Grateful for comedy

Caroline saw me with a runny nose today, and was concerned about small tears in my eyes. I wanted to make sure I explained to her that it was from being happy, not sad.  I told her how proud I was of her and I loved her sweetness and that she was smart and beautiful. We chatted for a while, and she mentioned she was going to tell her PE coach that she was still mad at him for making her run the mile backwards—the opposite way instead of the normal way. (I made sure to ask if it was literally running backwards, but it wasn't, lol.)  I told her it was possible the coach thought she had real potential and was making her work harder because of it.

“No, Mom, it was because I wouldn’t stop talking in class.”

A few minutes after that, I interrupted John Sam from the online game “Clash of Titans” on his new phone.  Surprisingly, he focused on my words instead of the game. I reminded him that he was the baby who made me a mommy.  I told him he was growing into a wonderful (and HANDSOME) young man and how happy and proud I was that he was so thoughtful and had such a generous and kind spirit. 

“That’s why I don’t have any money, Mom.”

Hurricanes & Gamecocks

It was all about the "U" today because Miami Hurricanes beat the tar out of the NC Tarheels.

Heartbreak for Gamecocks!  Still a good matchup athletically--down to the wire. Blowout games aren't much fun to watch, even if the team you like is winning.  And to think about four minutes ago I was getting to post SC had won and call it a night. Wowza!  Might be a little hard to sleep since the game was exciting :)

Brrrrr!  Good night O-town, and just FYI, I don't like 54 degrees!

All Hallow's Eve 2014

I kept telling everybody I put the Halloween pictures on the blog.... but I had them confused with the Halloween party pictures. 

We've already met Caroline as Annabeth Chase, and there I am with my Day of the Dead makeup (of course, one of my top 3 fave color combos: red/white/black), and Caroline did the makeup for John Sam as Frankstein. They both took pillowcases for candy collection.  I ran out of candy four times, so I raided leftover candy from the party, and two different times, the kids came back here to trade a little candy and "donate" the candy they didn't like to the cause, and I was back in the candy bid-ness. I finally put a sign out front that the candy was gone. 

However, I do know where John Sam hid his huge ziploc bag of candy. I did not take anything that he only had one of. Good thing there were more than a couple Butterfingers--

Hallo-tweenie Party

Caroline had a big time with her friends Summer and MacKenzie at her Halloween party.

Caroline is "Annabeth Chase," who is the main character of the book series, "The Heroes Of Olympus."  She freehanded the design on the front and the back of her shirt (thank you Google images!), hand sewed a sheath for her dagger, and altered the dagger with paint and nail polish to get the correct color combo.  Owl pendant, shorts, tennis shoes, and ponytail to the side, and she was ret-to-go.

MacKenzie is into geography and history, so she was "Denmark."  Summer was a hippie groovy girl. Charlee and her boyfriend Chris kept the activities running smoothly so the grownups could take video and pix.

Soda. Candy. Pizza. Candy. Crafts. Candy. Fire pit. Candy. Marshmallows. Candy. Balloons. Candy.

Did I mention candy?

Tomorrow night:  "Real" Halloween!

Another batch of yellow

My yellow violets. Yes, I baby the you-know-what out of them, and they reward me with beautiful blooms.  Enjoy--

 

 

 

 

 

 

~ Yellow is the color of prosperity ~

Dressed down by the Queen of England

Elizabeth II is not happy, and His Royal Highness is even less so.  I am hereby officially scheduled to be publicly flogged for not posting a photograph of His Royal Highness Zing on his 7th birthday and 3rd anniversary with the Baumgardners.  It was yesterday - October 23.  He did chow down on a peanut butter Frosty Paws, and was more spoiled than normal for the entire day.  Watching him eat the Frosty Paws was hilarious.  His tongue would get too cold, then he'd step back and lick air to try to warm his tongue up.  I'm guessing that's why Kismet always ate his in only one bite and Beamer, only two bites.

Tomorrow there will be pictures of:
1) My gorgeous yellow violets;
2) His Excellency / HRH / His Majesty; and
3) Caroline's Halloween party.  At least 5 girls, possibly 6, and hopefully one of John Sam's friends, too.  Tweenies & teenagers in costume, pizza & soda, plus about a ton of sugar each........ What's that, you say?  "Go with God, mi amiga?"

I'll take those good vibes, thankyouverymuch.

I told Caroline ahead of time that there WILL be pictures, and I didn't want any lip about it, but they'll be so busy with activities, I can sneak around and get candid shots--those are the best anyway.

It's going to be a busy but happy Saturday.  Looking forward to watching the kids have a great time.

xoxo

P.S. for 10.22.2014

I like my temperature when it's 97.9.  NOT 101.4.  I am seriously kicking myself for sending John Sam to school yesterday and today.  If he felt as bad as I feel now, my mom card should be put on probation. 

I have good pictures of my yellow violet to post, but I can't breathe long enough to plug in the USB and turn on the camera.

Glass of water, Tylenol, bed.

Schedule change

My schedule for today has changed.  Seems I'll be in and out of bed between coughing and trying to breathe without coughing instead of all the fun chores I had on the list today.

I used to get sick all.the.time.  After I got laid off, I stopped getting sick because I wasn't exposed to germs from people who think the world will stop turning if they don't come to work and spread germs.  Since I haven't had to deal with colds/flu/whatever for so long, when I do get sick, all it does is piss me off.

Poor John Sam--he feels pissy like I do because he gets rarely sick, either.

Feel the drowsy coming back on.  Will check back in when I cough myself awake.

Coughing, coughing, coughing

Not rollin' rollin' rollin' - like the Chuck Wagon? Purina?

John Sam's had a cold for the 3rd day in a row, which doesn't sound too bad until I remind everybody that when he gets sick, he has it for about one day, a day and a half MAX.  Stuffy nose alternating with runny nose isn't too bad, it's fairly standard.  Coughing so hard you can't even inhale to cough again, though, isn't bad.  It is awful.  He's more worried about ruining his healthy streak than being sick, and is majorly annoyed that it's lasted longer than most of his other colds.

Since he's had it three days, that's given me plenty of time to incubate these special magic germs, and I cough on every exhale.  I'm tired from lack of sleep because I kept waking up and waking up last night.  Why is it that when you wake up at 4:00 something, you can't go right back to sleep, but you can sure do it when the alarm goes off?

Taking my box of Puffs Plus to bed with me.  *sniff*  *cough*  *wheeze*  *cough again*

Repeat...

Poet understudy

I've never considered myself a poet.
I've never aspired to be a poet.
I've never thought I could make the leap from fiction to poetry.
But . . .
I've never focused and tried to do it
Because . . .
I've never thought it would be good enough to be categorized as real poetry.

So . . .

I've decided I can write fiction AND attempt to craft poetry.
I've decided I don't have to be a poet to be a good writer.
I've decided to find examples of poetry I like, and model mine after them.

I found it!  It's called tanka poetry--similar to haiku.  Tanka has a total of 31 syllables in five lines, arranged in the pattern 5, 7, 5, 7, 7.  I 've written some haiku in the past, so I thought there is no reason in the world I shouldn't try this different format.

So far I've written three tanka poems.  When I re-read them, I think, "Not bad for my first few tries."

I've decided I seriously like that feeling.

The plan is to write 10-12 and then start sharing them here.  At that time, I will also engage in a li'l self promotion because I'll tweet them, too.  Maybe.

*Happy Saturday*

xoxoxo

Fourteen (14) is this year's number

JSB is 14 years old!  Un-freaking-believable to think that on this day 14 years ago, at 8:45 pm I was pregnant, and by 8:57 pm, I was a mommy.

His idea of being a year older means a larger quantity of candy and, of course, money!!  Here's the birthday schedule we ended up with.

1. Before school: getting a one pound bag of mini Starburst.
2. After school: hanging with "AC" and Christina.
3. After work: opening cards & presents: a light box and tracing paper for his drawing obsession, and cold hard cash.  Birthday love from Zing.
4. From 5-9 pm: going to the fall festival with carnival rides and loud music, and every candy, baked good, soda, and fast food imaginable.
5. On the way to dad's after the festival: talking to Granny & Aunt Laura & family, then getting additional Nintendo time because it's his birthday.

He was so excited about the festival, he let me take a couple of pictures.

 

Happy Birthday to my main man.  Love you!

Job requirements

The bad news:  only ten posts in September.  The good news:   it's now the month with the most posts.

On the job search.  Again.  *dejected sigh here*  In an effort to look at the bright side, I'm sharing some of the requirements people are asking for.

“Applicant must be able to work well under pressure and have common sense, be organized and have a good work ethic.”

Damn, I was all set to apply until I read that requirement.  Everybody knows I don’t have any common sense.  ;-)

“Please do not apply if your financial needs greatly outweigh the starting salary rate.”

Can't weigh it if I don't know what the starting salary is.  Do I have to apply to find out?  

“Please submit your cover letter (why should we hire you), resume, references and a writing sample in order to be considered for this position.”

They should hire me for help with creating clear sentences—would that count as my writing sample?

Somewhere in the midst of all this (first world) tragedy and humor, there is a job for me. It's highly possible that I'm close to earning the professional interview degree I've always wanted.  :)

Female hilarity

Caroline Grace has been hilarious lately.

Writing a reading response on a book about Helen of Sparta:  "Sword fighting and horseback riding aren’t the same as sewing and weaving."

After coughing  in my ear on the phone:  "I just swallowed wrong.  Probably some spit or something."

In general:  "I wish I had something to say about my own life."

I love my funny girl!

Website Wishes

Dear Websites,

A few suggestions on a grouchy Monday.

1.  Why don't you have a search bar at the top of your page?  Not having one results in Clicking Hell.  You know the kind, where users are forced to click on link after link trying to find what they want without success.  Yeah, I've got time to click every freaking one.  Clicking Hell was f/k/a Voice Mail Hell, where you got a gazillion choices to press but none of the ones you needed, and you had to listen to the whole message anyway because "their options have recently changed" and they rig it so pressing zero doesn't work. Clicking Hell is way worse because I can go through your whole website and still not find an answer.  At least in Voice Mail Hell if I left a profanity-laced message I'd get a call back.

2.  Could you change the defaults so the sessions don't time out after three minutes?  It's maddening to have to reenter everything I already typed because I didn't click "Yes, I'm still here" in the nanosecond that you asked if I was.

3.  Is including working phone numbers too much to ask?  Believe it or not, some people still don't have internet access.

4.  Don't redirect me to a site that doesn't allow me to use the back button, because (like #2 above), I don't want to make time to reopen a new tab to go back to your site.  Such redirection will result in my using a different website altogether.  Can you say goodbye traffic? 

On the criminal front...

Look who got arrested just today in The City Beautiful:

#DumbCriminal

This is the jerk who broke into my house, stole all my jewelry, pawned it, and was $450 richer.  I've been waiting ever since for him to be taken back into custody.  Look at all those charges!  I'd like to call your attention to the classification as a "violent offender."  He's a real gem.

Most likely he's already bonded out, but I'm still going to check tomorrow to see if he actually was released. Law enforcement has a habit of letting this creep out of jail.

One thing is certain:  I'll be sending an email to the jail, police, and sheriff's office.  :)

Thieves

I had a clever post all typed out this a.m., and couldn't wait to finalize it and put it up here.

My good mood was ruined when I tried to use my debit card at Walgreens and discovered - AGAIN - that my debit card number was lifted.  This time, I bought someone a pair of $599 Gucci sunglasses, and helped them pick out $100 worth of weird foods at some weird food market.

Disclaimer:  The word "but" is coming presently.

I've said before........... hate is bad, BUT I'm over people who think it's okay to steal something from someone just b/c there's a hefty chance they won't ever get caught or ever repay the money they stole.  I hate it b/c these awful people don't care about the victim's life situation.  They have no idea what it's like to have to call your landlord and tell him not to cash your rent check.  What kind of effed up person would "assume" that their need for haughty sunglasses takes priority over over me housing my family?  Are you kidding meeeee??  I hate that they laugh about it b/c they know good & well they're long gone with pricey merchandise by the time their victims know anything about their money being stolen.

So, the shout-out for tonight is to whoever took my things:  please remember me when someone steals something from YOU at a time when you can least afford for it to be stolen.  That's only fair, yes?

I will put the clever post up tomorrow.  :)

Magnanimity Magazine

I've posted this on every social media site except Instagram!  I'm about to burst with excitement!  I'm pleased to say I have a new micro-fiction story that appears here:

http://www.magnanimitymag.com/Fiction.html 

The magazine is run by my journalist friend, Leslie Stone.  We go wayyy back, she and I.  ;)  I'm so thrilled that she's given me a chance to share my writing with a larger audience.  

Here's the link to the main page

http://www.magnanimitymag.com/Home.html

Look for more shameless plugs in future entries.

Super Harvest Moon night is turning out to be super.  The pictures of said moon, not at all. You are spared the agony of looking at moon pictures that look exactly like the last four batches I've taken.

The moon is high, bedtime is nigh.  xoxo

Non-medical alternative

"Often, we ignore the fact that our spiritual condition and psychological state of mind are highly affected by what is happening to us physically. Sometimes depression is simply the result of exhaustion."  Tony Campolo

I believe Mr. Campolo is onto something.  I know people who think too much sleep is a sign of depression.  What if it was the other way around, and sleep helped alleviate depression in some ways?  Ooooooo, an alternative that's drug free.

Getting a full-time job is a good thing, but I've been spoiled by only working part time in the last year. Now I have less time to devote to my life outside the office. I've not worked out the time adjustments because I've been telling myself that I can stay up late to finish everything and not miss the lost sleep. 

It's not true, though. I noticed myself having less patience and a shorter fuse since I started working longer hours. I get more pissy when I'm writing and I can't finish the section because I have to go to sleep or do housework or mow the lawn instead.  Or I feel guilty when I've worked late and don't get to feed the kids until after 7:00 pm!!!  I realized my emotions are more extreme because I'm tired. Just tired, inside and out. 

No way around it--the obvious solution is making a commitment to going to bed earlier and planning as much of the next day as I can so I can get up on time and get everything done.

When I stop hitting snooze.  ;)

Caves

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ― Joseph Campbell 

I'm not afraid of the dark, but I do have night lights (nite lites? lmao) strategically placed around the house so when I wake up, I can see a tiny bit of light somewhere. It helps me navigate when I can't always see everything.

I've never been in a "real" cave. The closest thing is a huge den that my granddaddy's hunting dogs dug underneath a part of their backyard that sloped upward. The clay was orange, dry, and dusty, and the canine cavern they made was deep and completely dark inside. Roots of all sizes had been gnawed through to make it accessible, even though a lot of them stuck out of the sides of the clay at random angles. I'd walk up to the edge of it and lean my head to see if they were really in there. Every now and again, I'd see their eyes shine for a second. Otherwise it was dark. I couldn't see them, but I knew they were there because when I called their names, I heard their tails thumping on the ground.  I would wait for them to stop wagging, and I'd say their names again--more tail thumping.  They always went along with it no matter how many times I did it.  

Right now I'm standing at the foot of the cave, peering in and wondering what treasure(s) are inside. The ones I'm hoping for and ones I haven't thought of or dreamed of yet. I don't have a night light, but it's time to find a flashlight, get my ass up in there, and bring out what I'm meant to find.  I'll leave my fear inside the cave, which will give me more room to carry out the good stuff. Sounds like a fair trade--

xoxo

Commenting issues & random photo

A couple of readers have told me they are unable to leave comments on the blog.  I recently deleted the letter verification step because I don't need it. I set it so anyone can post, either with their name, blog name, email address, or anonymously.  Email me at scrapbookfran@aol.com if the problem persists.

Random photo section
One of the photos I took of myself with my 1st day on the new job suit looks like I'm holding a little ball of light.  It's from the flash, obviously, but it still looks like a little crystal ball.  

Minutiae Musings Vol. 5

Another installment of . . . musings about minutiae.

The car sticker that says "Salt Life" really looks like it says "Slut Life."  I think I might get one just because of it.

I saw some Halloween stuff for sale.  On Labor Day weekend, ya'll.  I wonder how many people go ahead and buy it as soon as it's put out so they don't have to buy gross candy at the last second, which should be on or before September 23, at which time they'll break out the Christmas items.  Maybe I'll do the same!

Which is worse:  unfollowed, unfriended, or un-Linked? I've been getting notifications from Twitter about new followers. I thought it was great until I noticed my number of followers is the same, and stays the same no matter how many new people they've mentioned. Odd!


P.S. I have a couple more clever things to post, but I am so tired.  Gotta get them up!

September 1

The haunting shadow of depression follows me like a predator 

Waiting patiently never in a hurry 

The right moment always comes.©

(Tweeted by Lotus on Twitter.  Follow her if you'd like to read more of her tweets:  @Lotus_Heals )

Her mini-poem is the perfect description of how depression can exert so much influence on its victims.Throw in a little mania on a regular basis, and the result is...........me.

I'll share some of the special, magical things that accompany my bipolar. On the weekends when I don't have the kids, don't have to work, and don't have rocking plans, I'll sleep in, make coffee, enjoy my daily date with meds until their chemistry kicks in, and then walk Zing. When I get back, I'll lay on the couch. Might write, usually don't, but if I do open the story, it's more reading and editing than creating new writing. Then it'll be lunchtime, so I walk the dog again, set the kitchen timer so I can pretend I'm only taking a 20 minute power nap.  Two hours later, I wake up. Still tired. If I feel hungry, I'll drink a coke and maybe eat popcorn. At no time during this brief child-free span do I brush my teeth or take a shower. It's too exhausting to hold my arms up that long. I don't usually do much housework except for dishes. Never could understand why that chore is therapeutic, but it is. Late afternoon, another walk for His Highness, and skim over social media, but don't really engage or absorb. Believe it or not, reading is too exhausting sometimes, too.

Trust me, if I could snap out of it, I would. I feel the disconnect between me and loved ones. At times, I work diligently to maintain healthy relationships; at other times (and sadly, more lately than ever), I isolate myself because I feel like a phony. A poser. A fake. And guilty ones at that. And it's too freaking hard to talk about authentic things than superficial things and try to play it off as if everything's fine and nobody needs to worry.  

Here's something I saw on Pinterest.

"Saying someone can’t be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else might have it better." I've had several people tell me people me (in so many words) that my complaints are petty and sweating the small stuff. To someone like me, with brain chemistry issues, it makes me worse when I feel like I should be able to buck up, sissypants. Put on big girl undies. Pick my battles. Realize I'm not the only one with life problems.

All of that is reasonable advice. In a manic phase, it's easier to have that mindset. In the down phase, it ain't happening. It's too difficult to manage. The shifting back and forth is why people think mental illness is a lifestyle choice or a lack of inner strength.  "Well, you choose to be happy sometimes. Why not all the time?"

I know no one who would say to anyone, "Listen here, your eyes are blue. And it's because you're weak. If you really wanted to, you could make your eyes brown. If you were strong enough. So just get over it, concentrate, be mighty, and make your freaking eyes brown."

It's not an excuse or crutch to say that my willpower alone can't manufacture brain chemicals. Everybody tries as hard as they can to do it with willpower.

It's easier when you summon the courage to ask for help. Scary? Yes. Necessary anyway? Yes. Can you do it? YES.

#JustAsk #TalkAboutIt #Depression #Bipolar #BeKind #Understand #iWillWhatIWant


P.S. On a lighter note, I like today's date for a silly, random reason.

#tiredworkinggirl

Felt like updating.  Job still going great, had two days this week where I made a couple of (fixable) mistakes. Today was much better.  I worked late last night and through lunch today to make up for the time I took off tonight to go to the Meet the Teacher event at the kids' school.  John Sam was nervous about meeting his teachers, but he talked with all of them except one--they moved her to a different room than she was supposed to be in and we couldn't find her. He got PE as his last class of the day, which is exactly what he wanted, and he's got classes with some of the same kids as last year. When Caroline met her teachers, most of them knew John Sam and asked him how his summer went. Then they asked her about her summer and how JS was as a big brother, and she said about halfway (or something to that effect).  Her world history teacher said the class puts on a Greek play, and she told him that was her specialty, because she's been reading a book series about gods and goddesses. She told the science teacher she didn't like raising her hand or speaking out in class, and he told her he could guarantee he'd call on her as much as everyone. She also got band, which she wanted, and the other elective was drama. She was mad she didn't get creative writing. I've always thought she be good at drama (*ahem*), but she's never expressed any interest in it. She'll be learning about it this year, though ;-)

Academically it's going to be a tough year for both of them.  We've got our "homework plan" in place so we can focus on learning, and when that is done, we can relax and unwind. Some relax by playing video games, some relax by reading books, some relax by writing.

It's been been tough to adjust to the time management issues I'm encountering. I've had to let some things go and that buggggs me.  Once the routine of school starts, I'm going to be better able to manage the smaller amount time that I have to do everything I want and need.  Staying up too late when you get into writing is very bad when you need to get up earlier in the morning than you have in about a year.  HA!  I've heard you can't really catch up on your lost sleep, but I'm gonna give it the old college try.

Cruising up to the 28th floor...

Day 2, Best Job Ever

I am happy to have completed two days of online training at the office. Tomorrow I start doing "real" work. I took some of my personal stuff in and put it on my desk.  I love having my own space, and I swear if I actually get two computer screens, I'm going to be very hard to live with for the next couple of days.  :)

Clearwater Vacay Pix

So much vacation, so little time.  How did three days go by so quickly?  I'm already saving my money for next year's trip!

Ocean in the background

View from our balcony. Hard to see it,

but "One Tree Island" is in the pic.

One of the few times I was busted taking

pictures without permission. JS said, "The

only reason we went on vacation is for

her to take pictures of us." 

What happened when I told JS

we went on vacations for other

reasons, too

First view of the ocean

(no filter on this shot) 

 Flip flops have to come off first

Step two: toes in the sand

Modeling on the beach 

Shell hunting

Also looking for shells...

Sunset - Tuesday 7/29/2014

 CGB on the shoreline

Seagulls, sunset, sand castle

Trying a Pinterest idea. The first one

(where they are farther from the camera)
looks better than the other version.

Nighttime swimming. They swam til

the hotel shut off the pool waterfalls

and underwater lights.

On the sand dunes near the

restaurant, Palm Pavillion. Hard

to believe how soft the sand was!

Sunset over sand dunes

Me on Day 1

Catching some light 

 This Pinterest idea didn't turn out too badly.

I hate toe pictures, but I'm okay

with this one b/c they're mine,

and because they look normal

with the water and foam on them.

Ocean, morning of last day.

Much clearer than the day

before--so much seawood one

day and barely any the next.

Building and digging

CGB original atwork - skyscraper

Thursday Morning Sunrise

Little kids - big ocean - bigger world