On aging

Here is the announcement:  I am not aging gracefully.  Those are the kindest words I can choose.

A while back, I was in my car with the radio on.  I almost always car dance--especially at stoplights--so I started to get my groove on when I felt what I thought was a bug on my leg.  I freaked out and looked down.  Nothing there.  I moved my leg again and saw that it was flab bouncing around on the top of my leg.  Flab?!  Right then I sorta wished it had been some horrifying, dangerous, disgusting insect.  Anything but the dreaded jiggle!

I have a lot of wrinkles on my face (thanks to my sun goddess ways in my 20s and 30s), and they make me look older than I am, in my opinion.  They make me look mad when I'm not, and people often misinterpret me because of it.  I also have a secret extra wrinkle on the left side of my face because I sleep on that side.  I have the silk pillowcase, but it can only help so much.  Moisturizer, yes.  Decrease in wrinkles, no. 

There are older women who look gorgeous with gray hair.  I'm not one of them.  My roots start showing at about 3 weeks.  I have to go 4 weeks in between appts. though, because I get paid biweekly.  That gives me anywhere from 4-8 days with roots most everyone can see because there are few people who are my height.  If my schedule has to change and I have to go 5 or 6 weeks between salon trips, it's more noticeable and I look haggard from the wrinkles anyway.  Ouch!

Arthritis runs in my family and I'm showing signs of it in my hands.  I can't straighten out two of my fingers and I can feel how the tiny bones are curved.  Other joints in my body bother me now and again. It makes me feel old even though I know perfectly well that arthritis is not just a disease for the elderly.

Ok, so I've written a few paragraphs lamenting the fact that my body is doing what it was going to do anyway, and it's not like I don't have friends and colleagues my age who are also in the process.  The bottom line is...

I am vain.

It shouldn't matter, and I would like to think it matters more to me than anyone else, but I'm vain.  I wish I wasn't.

I used to be prettier and more physically fit. 

I used to have perky bewbies too!!!  (lol)

I wish I had the body I had at 29 that I didn't like when I was 29.

I know women who are older than I am but who look better than I do.  It is hard not to be a little jealous when you find out someone is older than you but they look wayyyyy younger.


I'm far from a pity party about this, though.  I'm not sad about anything (well, except maybe my public decree of vanity) because right now it's where I am.   I know there are things I can control. So I'm going to be working on those things and trying to discern the difference between my self image and my body image. (Sorry to hijack Dr. Phil!)

xo xo xo